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Secrets To A Long Happy Marriage

Jane Fearnley-Whittingstall has been married to her husband, Rob, for 47 happy years. In a world where half of all marriages end in divorce, she thinks she has a few secrets to making a relationship survive the inevitable bumps in a road. After the jump, check out a few of those secrets, which she shared in today’s Daily Mail.

During the honeymoon phase:

Give in gracefully about trivial things. Save your powder for the big issues.

Play to your strengths—if he’s a brilliant cook, let him do it. If you are a whiz at DIY, put the shelves up.

Don’t think you can ‘marry the man today and change his ways tomorrow,’ (as Adelaide sang in “Guys And Dolls”). Be warned, it doesn’t work.

I would add:

Continue making plans for the future, whether it’s a short-term plan for a vacation, or long-term goals towards starting a family. Talk about those plans a lot; make sure you’re staying on the same page.
Spend time apart. Hang out with your own friends, take a weekend solo trip to visit an old college roomie, explore a hobby on your own. These activities not only enrich your life and give you something to bring to the marriage, they let your heart grow a little fonder during the absence and remind you not to take the time you do spend with your new spouse for granted.

During early parenthood:

Most grandparents love to be used, so make friends with your mother-in-law.

There’s no need for husbands to feel excluded. Plan how to share childcare as well as household chores.

Keep friendships in good repair. When you’re stuck indoors with a couple of toddlers, a moan on the phone can stop you taking it out on your partner later.

On keeping faithful:

Be aware of the dangers and recognise the urge for what it is: a temporary itch, not to be scratched.

If your partner strays, work through the problem together, with professional help if you feel you need it.

If you know that a friend’s husband or wife is cheating, never, ever tell them. It’s none of your business.